I Miss You...

I miss you. I miss you more each day.  I took so many things that you did for granted, but now that I'm older I see just how meaningful those things were to me. I remember the stories you use to tell me.  Or the times when I wasn't feeling well and you'd rub circles on my back.  Or the countless day you would wake up and walk me to the bus stop and you were always there when I got off the bus in the afternoon.  I know I didn't always treat you right, and I'm really sorry for that, but none the less I loved you more than anything in this whole world.  There is no one in this world that knew me better than you.  You knew when I was upset without me ever saying a word.  The night I tried to commit suicide for the first time you told me you loved me.   You knew things were hard, but I was a beautiful, intelligent, and funny young woman and that you were always proud of me.  I remember walking into my room and your words echoing in my head.  I didn't want to hurt you.  I could imagine the pain I would cause you and I couldn't do that to you, so instead I reached out that night and got help.  I held on just a little longer even if I was still suffering. After I graduated I left, and it hurt so much to leave you behind.  In my mind I was doing the right thing.  I couldn't take how my parents were treating me any longer and I had to get out.  I knew you understood why I left, but it still hurt me to not see you or be there for you especially when your health started to deteriorate.  What killed the most is after I cut ties with my parents which meant me cutting ties with you, I had Joey and the one person I would of loved to be there the day I had him is you.  Yet because I didn't talk to my mom, I knew you wouldn't be there.  I remember like yesterday the day I ran into Nikki on the boardwalk and she told me just how bad your health issues got.  I remember going home and crying.  Holding on to Joey and deciding that no matter what, even my differences with my mom Joey would meet his Great Great Aunt Norma.  Later that week I came to visit you with Joey!  And you held him for the first time.  It brought tears to my eyes.  To see you holding my handsome little boy.  Yeah you didn't really know who he was because of you dementia but that didn't stop the instant love you had for him.  I took a picture of you holding him.  And to this day I look at it and cry.  I was so lucky to have you in my life, especially when no one else seemed to care or even love me.  I know that even heaven your watching me and Joey.  Loving us from afar.  Yet I still wish I could give you a hug.  Tell you all my problems.  And let the warmth of your unconditional love warm my heart.  I love you Aunt Norma and always will. 

RIP Aunt Norma
3/22/1933-11/20/2011